Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
