We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
