Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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