Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
