I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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