god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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