I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
