I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
