You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
