okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
