Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
