I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
