My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
