babies were throwing up all over the place
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
