butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
