soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
