So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
