drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
