Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
