i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My ass is underappreciated
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize