my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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