Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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