She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
