Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
