Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
