Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
