I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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