you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
