dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
