Already got asked if we're dating
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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