y did u give ur computer a hand job?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
