dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
