If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
