I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she looked like the before picture.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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