The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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