He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
