i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
