I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
