Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
