i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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