Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
