I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
