I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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