Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
