thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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