Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
