I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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