My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
