took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's shark week go big or go home
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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