i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
