we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize