Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
