its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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