I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize