$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
nutella sex= disaster
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
