apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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