Well apparently he's into motor boating.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
