I want to have your abortion
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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