U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
