at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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