My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
