You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
