everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
