New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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