In America we eat man semen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
