I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
