His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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