I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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