i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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