quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
