If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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