Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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