I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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