I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
