As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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