some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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