i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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