I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
