I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
