new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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