All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
