RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
