Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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