i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
