I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
