She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
