Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sober January is a disaster.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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