i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
