He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
