I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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