this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
