I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
