dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
