The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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