Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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