actually, I'm a sock model
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
