I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
