she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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