I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
