i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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